Rose colored glasses..aka BLINDERS

For whatever reason I re-read some emails this morning and found myself sitting here shaking my head mumbling things like "how did I not see it" "why didn't I listen to the warnings" "was I just that much in love"? The answer I came up with is that it was those "rose colored glasses" which I will now have to call BLINDERS!!!!

After being in a 17 year relationship and being cheated on you would think that I would be very cautious about meeting people. I actually think I was until I met her. I dont know what it was about her that just made me say WOW!!! I fell in love with that person!! The problem was that she ended up not being the person she said and portrayed herself to be. The honesty was actully just very good and believable lies. The financial security was anything but that. The loving and caring conversations became curse laden complaints and accusations!! My family, my friends and even her friends tried to tell me that she wasn't the person I thought she was and that the lies would never stop. I didn't listen to them, I only saw what I wanted to see. I even knew down inside that what they were saying and what I saw was real but I chose not to believe it. Those rose colored glasses were much too dark. I think the day I started removing those glasses was the day she flipped out in the parking lot at Old Navy. She was yelling and accusing me of everything from being a liar and a cheater and finally called me a WHORE as I walked away with MY phone in HER hands.!! Every time I thought I might be close to taking them off she would do or say something that would start making me believe her again. (she is very good at that). I wanted sooo much to be right and everyone else be wrong that I started investigating things. Investigating, not to be right, but to be WRONG!! I sooo very much wanted to prove her stories to be the truth. She was good. There was always some excuse. It was always ME who didnt listen and/or heard her wrong. Or the biggest response was that it was me who was telling the lies and cheating!! I remember the day she said I was stalking her and following her around. Yes, I did some following and checking on her but once again I wanted to prove me wrong and not right about what I was beginning to believe!! I would have never done that had she not given me reason to doubt and not trust her.

Those rose colored glasses/blinders are now off and have been for several months now. I can still say that I truely loved that person I thought she was and wished so very much she was. Even now I keep hearing and learning more about the lies and stories she told me and wonder how I could have stayed for so long and not seen the truth!! It was those damn rose colored glasses that will now and forever be referred to as BLINDERS!!

I hope she has learned something from this too but I doubt it because she wont admit that she has a problem. She destroyed what could have been a beautiful and loving relationship. All she had to do was be honest with herself and me, and be that person she portrayed herself to be!! I see now that that is impossible and that the person I thought she was never really existed except in her own mind!!